A couple of years ago I was at a point where I was completely disgusted with myself and with the sin I had allowed in my life. I had gotten to the point where I was consumed with self. All I thought about was me. I was more concerned with my weight, my image, going on vacations, etc. than anything else. God had completely been placed on the back burner. Unfortunately, it took over a year of self indulgence and some discipline from the Lord before I stepped back and took a long hard look at the way I had allowed culture to infiltrate my thought process. This is a poem I wrote while still completely immersed in the sin of selfishness....
I’ve danced ‘round this sin
And I’ve watched it take root.
How enticing these branches can be!
O’ I tangle myself in deceit as I dance,
Still I let it take lead willingly.
My embrace is so tight
Yet I long to let go.
This grip on my flesh is so real!
How can such pride be found in this dancing?
Could it be that I like what I feel?
I feign such perfection
With each step I take.
But my heart is not hidden from You.
I yearn for retreat from this willful defiance.
Yet this is the dance that I choose.
Lead me, my Lord,
Draw me back to Your sway.
Let my dance bring you glory once more.
Take lead, for the dancing is nothing without You.
Be, God, the One I dance for.
I am so thankful for a God who disciplines those He loves. I'm dancing a new dance these days. I'm holding tight to my Savior and letting him lead. What a merciful Savior is He.